Missing her comes in sunflowers, always reminding me of her sunny attitude and golden heart.
Forever missing you, Mom. I know you’d rather tell me to hush now and smile instead ’cause I got these sunflowers for free. 😀 (Oh, special thanks to UP Diliman’s garden along University Avenue for these lovely blooms). We had fun flower-picking! How I wish heaven had visiting hours, no? We’ll have tall stories to tell that’s for sure. ^_^
Anyway, when it comes to Mom, God knows that my tongue and brain sometimes lack the words to say and express how much I miss her. It’s really hard to put these mixed feelings into words. And so I’ll just leave this as it is.
If you are reading this, then I still exist in your universe I hope? I am out of lines honestly. I can’t believe it. I shut down and reopened this laptop several times already, deleting and retyping words I couldn’t assemble in one perfect thought.
I feel like I’m playing a tennis game at match point, but got broken again at winning serve that I could’ve aced. There is an ominous curtain blocking my night sky. I couldn’t find myself these days.
Two, five, seven hours passed by and yet there is no coherence in this piece. Deleting, retyping, and so it goes. Help me, Doctor. Bring me your Tardis please for this damned silly lady. Take me back to two days ago where I double faulted. 😦
Eleven twenty-seven in the evening. Heart be still. TQM.
Suddenly here I am crying my heart out while trying to sleep. My poor heart yearns for Mom again. Longing for someone who will never be present anymore is the most painful realization there is. Mourning over the loss of a dearly loved one is such a difficult process. Accepting the reality to begin with is the hardest part. One day you’re happy, the other day you’re sad. How do you really move on and get away from it? 😢
I am pissed as f*ck! Soon enough my boiling point might burst out of control. You keep telling us that everything’s in place so we waited. We patiently waited. But you treated our patience at sub-par as if it was left unheard. Our will and devotion to the job is 100% but it seem to be of little importance to you. 😦
I don’t want to continue on. I know how far this anger could go. Telling other people about my frustration could also add burden to them so I resort to just let the boiling flow here. Though my positive light is beginning to dim again. I should stop now and take a deep breath. Calm down, self. Calm down. I will try my best to keep this anger in its porous level. Then the little good things would soon come out of the teeny tiny holes in my body.
Having to endure this patience is half the challenge won, right? So stay with me even more.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame. ~ Benjamin Franklin