Got up. Had breakfast. Took a shower. Hopped in a jeepney. Walked the way to the office. Read the news. Checked e-mails. Every day is the same. And now I’m trying to wear my not-so-bored face. See, funny how I finished a Sudoku puzzle in one sitting today. The difficulty level is just 2 stars though. I know I’m not at par with kids who can do high level puzzles well hey I still made it. Funny, too, how this boring day still works. So what now? Coffee any time is always a good idea. 😉
“Mondays are mundane, like Tuesdays minus 24 hours
” ~ Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible
And then suddenly all the sad songs are about you. Great.
What is this feeling when all I can do is stare blankly?
I keep asking myself if he is the guy. If he is the right guy. And if he is the one. And if he is the man I will truly love. Will I?
Here’s the hard truth. I really don’t know. The inner Eve of me won’t even talk if I’m doing it right or if I’m just into believing that our love story on Skype is kismet. As ‘A’ (let’s just keep him by that name) would always say, “you’re always a scaredy cat.” Yes, I’ve always wanted to get a tattoo but here I am showing him pictures of tattoos I want. Just pictures ’cause I’m scared. But then again, I still want it. One day I will. Yeah right, Jess.
Omit the rest of the love story. There are too many to tell. 😀
Oh, then suddenly he wants to marry me. Holy Mother of Jesus. Is this guy serious??
“I’m going to fall in love with him. I’m going to be head over heels and my stomach is going to hurt every time he (walks into a room*)
asks me to marry him goes online. I’m going to worry about him whenever he isn’t there, and there are going to be times where I’ll hate him. Because that’s what love is. It’s a kaleidoscope of emotions, all sorts of different colors blending together into one.” ~ C. M. Stunich / Losing Me, Finding You
Many were told that fate makes fun of us, that it gives us nothing but promises everything. When happiness seems to be within our reach, we reach out and find ourselves like fools. So…going back to A, he’s been deliberately upbeat with the marriage thing. Well after all, I’m still twenty-eight, free and single — for the moment. But will I ever have the courage to see him when the time comes?
Sometimes, you just can’t tell how you really feel.
My New Year started with an emotional bang when my precious cat, Mac-Mac, died on the very first day. He was 9 years old.
I was completely heartbroken words just can’t describe it. To be honest, I still feel guilty for not being there for him when he started getting ill (again). I know how stressful it was for his immediate family (I can’t thank my friend Analyn enough for taking care of him) to attend to his illness because I saw the pictures of him trying to get up and wanting to walk out of the clinic already. He looked very curious…very curious why I was not around. It was heartbreaking. 😥
A part of me also died when I heard the news. What a news to welcome the new year. 😦 I hated myself that I wasn’t holding him when he died. It was the worst feeling not a damn thing can assuage the guilt and sadness inside me. I should’ve blogged about this last month, right?
No. Because I still couldn’t collect myself. I am so sorry my Mac-Mac. I love you so much. I can’t go on and type the words anymore. The fact that I was not with you is never going to change. 😦
Thank you for the beautiful friendship, Mac. I know in this way I can give the love I failed to give during my MIA days when you needed me most. I hope this writing will heal my heart and I know you can hear me from the other side. Whew. I feel better now because of another realization. My emotions were selfish though. I should be thankful you died in the hands of my loving friends and for laying you down in a nice, warm environment and not in the clinic or in the streets of Kamias ’cause that’s not going to happen either.
Again, thank you Boss Mac for the wonderful 6 years. I will find comfort in remembering those memories with you. Always. 🙂